We asked Martin to share his thoughts on his experience at BDSM Writers Con 2014 as one of the husband’s who attending with his wife who’s a reader and “dragged him with her.”
So Dr. Charley asked me to write about my thoughts on the 2014 BDSM Writer’s Con to give a male’s perspective on the event. To be perfectly honest I did not want to attend, my wife is an avid reader of many types of writing and she decided to come for the event. I had planned on coming up to NYC just for the weekend to enjoy some time in a city I love. As the weekend grew closer I looked into the Con to see what she was going to be up to and saw that there were going to be several demonstrations and that the weekend would end in a trip to Powder’s, a private club, to show both authors and readers what it was ‘really’ like. At this point I was intrigued and figured what the hell, I registered for the Saturday, 1 day ticket. All I can say is that I am glad I did.
I met a lot of great people; authors and readers and the other husbands that were not so unwillingly there. Learned a lot about many aspects of the lifestyle, both from the Con itself and the people I met through the Con. Saw a lot of interesting stuff, and some stuff I did not care for.
The conference itself was both enjoyable and informative. Starting with a flogging demo by Bo Blaze to show the more traditional and stereotypical aspects of BDSM to edge play demos including knife play by NauttiBoy and violet wands by Traveling Fool. Although not all of them fit with my tastes, they were both eye opening and a little surprising; both in how the playing out of the scene affected both the top and the bottom, and even more so in the attention that is given to safety and communication. From what I learned about the amount of trust imparted and the level of communication between people in this lifestyle, I would have to say that many of these relationships are healthier than the ‘normal and vanilla’ couples out there. If for no other reason I would recommend the 2015 Con just to see Travelinfool’s demo with the violet wand, his use of electricity on the human body is like watching Michelangelo painting.
This Con was set up to give authors a look into what the lifestyle is really like, and also the curious readers; so the highlight of the Con was a trip to Powder’s for a private party. This was one of the more memorable parts of the con for me, having led a very Vanilla life to this point. It was surprising to find out how friendly and open people where within the lifestyle; they were quite ‘normal’, but had openly accepted whatever fetish(es) they had. Most were very open to answering any questions people from the Con had and were happy to have us there. The club itself was a bit of an eye opener, saw a little bit of almost everything I had ever heard of. Some of it was very enjoyable to watch, some of it was disturbing (at least to me), but that was one of the major themes of the Con and the lifestyle. We all have fetishes, even if we don’t want to admit to it; and your fetish is yours and my fetish is mine. Have fun with it and don’t judge.
Another part of the Con was the raffles to support NCSF, the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. These prizes were donated by various craftsmen within the community, sex toy boutiques and several of the authors themselves. These ranged from steel shackles, toy baskets, restraint sets, whips and a grand prize stay at Hedonism II. My wife and I each won something and were thrilled about it. My prize was a beautiful Sidewinder whip from Victor Tella and my wife won the stay in Jamaica.
That alone was enough to get us to register for the 2015 Con, but there are many other and better reasons. We will get to see the friends we made this year, we will get to meet new people and develop new friendships. We will get to learn more about aspects of the lifestyle we don’t know about from experts in those areas.
My advice to you: if you are an aspiring author, a reader , or even just curious and you want a safe and welcoming environment to learn more about the lifestyle then do not hesitate to register for the 2015 Con.
And remember Kink is OK; and everyone has fetishes, which is also OK.